Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
