so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
