All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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