Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
