I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
