you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
