I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
