K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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