Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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