im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
