Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
