i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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