Quick, to the slutcave!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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