I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
