Im at strip club and am horny
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
