she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
