Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
