There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize