There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Watching her eat just hurts me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
