Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
