guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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