how can u be prego again
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize