My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
worst night to have a conscience
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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