Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
