ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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