You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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