yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I died a long time ago.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
