I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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