even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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