He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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