He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
