chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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