the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
