So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
