that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just high enough for therapy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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