and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
