David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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