i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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