they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i think i have two assholes
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
