Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
