I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
