so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
