I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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