pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
