As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
