So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
