Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize