He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
