Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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