The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
