would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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