My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
