Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I supernannyed him into submission
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
