my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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