I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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