Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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