she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize