Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
