When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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