It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize