just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
