I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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