Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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