TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
