i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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