God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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