I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
