True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
