I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
