just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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