I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
