Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
