did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
