Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
