Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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