I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
