had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
