I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Randomize
