Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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