Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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