yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
