i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We got so high we made milksteak
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
