I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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