We're like a lot better than the average bears
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
