so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Too much gin, very little bucket
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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