Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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