so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
