You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize