i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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