She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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