Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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