How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Bring me that man meat
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
