I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
