I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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