Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
