But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
