I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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