this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
