Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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