As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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