I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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