Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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