Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
