I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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