he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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